«If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?» — Jerry Seinfeld
«Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.» — Yogi Berra
«Don't be so humble - you are not that great.» — Golda Meir
«A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned» — Benjamin Franklin
«And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it.» — George Eliot
«The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree.» — Flannery O'Connor
«The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies.» — Robert Conquest
«Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.» — G.K. Chesterton
«Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.» — Lemony Snicket
«A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.» — Winston S. Churchill
«I never avoid something that challenges my guts and my heart. While I might occasionally puke my guts out, I have never puked my heart out.» — Michael Scott
«I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.» — Jon Stewart
«What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes.» — Gena Showalter
«There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your penis. This was not one of those times.» — John Green
«I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.» — Jon Stewart
«[Thine] face is not worth sunburning.» — William Shakespeare
«[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!» — William Shakespeare
«Thou art a very ragged Wart.» — William Shakespeare
«It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it. -Ed» — Francine Pascal
«Google “brooklyn writer” and you’ll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it?» — Colson Whitehead
«When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.» — Cathy Guisewite
«A boo is a lot louder than a cheer.» — Lance Armstrong
«The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.» — Miguel de Cervantes
«All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.» — Will Rogers
«There was the smell of old books, a smell that has a way of making all libraries seem the same. Some say that smell is asbestos.» — Scott Douglas
«I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs.» — Mark Rosen
«It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's The impurities in our air and water that are doing it» — Al Gore
«We are ready for an unforeseen event that May or may not occur» — Al Gore
«The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A Genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.» — Joe Theismann
«I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.» — Hillary Rodham Clinton
«It was like hiking into a Hemingway story; everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext.» — Leslie What
«I've had great success being a total idiot.» — Jerry Lewis
«If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up.» — Charlaine Harris
«When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.» — Bill Watterson
«The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.» — Rachel Vincent
«When mice run, cats give chase.» — Rachel Vincent
«CONFESSION NO. 1 Most women find the bloating, cramping, and bitchiness of PMS bothersome at worst. I turn into a monster a week before my period…literally.» — Ronda Thompson
«Never miss a good chance to shut up.» — Will Rogers
«Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.» — George Carlin
«Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle.» — Laurie Halse Anderson
«Always drink upstream from the herd.» — Will Rogers
«Matt would stare at Andrew for 10 minutes. It's depressing that people are different. Everyone should be one person, who should then kill itself in hand-to-hand combat.» — Tao Lin
«If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.» — Steven Wright
«Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.» — Mark Twain
«Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.» — Peyton Manning
«Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.» — Wendell Johnson
«I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.» — Stephen Colbert
No comments:
Post a Comment